I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
