Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
