she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
