we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
