Already got asked if we're dating
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
did i walk over a car last night?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
