sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
