ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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