you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
