Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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