Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I need a burrito and a hug.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
