I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I don't deserve a penis
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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