Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
