he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
