And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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