Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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