I can tuck mytits in my pants
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
