I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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