Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
