Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Sponge bath it is.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
what day is it and did you see me today?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
