Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
