Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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