you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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