Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
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