All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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