I hate your face
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
