my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
