3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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