non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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