The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
