That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
