i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I touched a dick in church today
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
