guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
