We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
