WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
