...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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