On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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