You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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