What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
