i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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