I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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