you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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