worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
