she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
