My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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