On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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