Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
