so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
