We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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