Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
