Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
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