I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
