Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
